I’m not mad at my boobs… anymore. But I was for a while. Once I let go of the fantasy of magical boob-change via potions or exercises, it was like, “Hang on. You’re saying I’m stuck with these things 24 hours a day and yet I get no say in what kind I have? Thanks a ton, boob fairy.”
For the many years that I was in a fight with my boobs, my verybestfriend-intheentireworld Mars and I would kvetch to each other about our yin and yang boob issues. She thought she was “too small,” I thought I was “too big,” and both of us wasted a lot of our precious youth hating on our chests in earnest. But you know what? We got over it. Here’s how.
She was like, “But the grass is so green on your side!” And I was like, “Nuh uh, your side!”
I wanted Mars’s boobs because she could wear a spaghetti strap slip dress and look all sleek and Natalie Portman-y. She wanted mine because I could hold up a strapless dress and look all vavoom and Beyonce;-y. But at some point, we took a step back and were like, “wait, Natalie and Beyonce; are both hot.” Have you ever heard that saying: “Happiness isn’t having what you want; it’s wanting what you have?” It finally dawned on us that strapless and spaghetti strap dresses were both very want-worthy, by ladies with fabulous taste such as our best friends. And therefore, those boobs that fit those dresses were very want-worthy. Those ones we already had lying around on our chests. Sweet!
We figured out how un-deeply boys cared what kind we had.
To hear them tell it, straight boys act like they only like one certain, “perfect” kind of boobs. But trust me: they aren’t anywhere near as picky as they make it sound. It’s more like “Straight guys like girls. Girls have boobs. Therefore, straight guys like boobs — any boobs you got.” They’re like, astronomically more concerned with how much they like the girl inside the bra. Over a million years of best friendship Mars and I have had our share of boy overlap. If boob type was such a huge concern for guys, it would have been physically impossible for those guys to have been attracted to both of us — our boobs are radically different in every way possible (shape, size, nipples, all of it).
We found out that there are clothes out there for both of us.
It’s so frustrating to think that they just don’t make clothes for girls with boobs like yours. Mars gets stressed at the thought of formal dresses; I get stressed at the thought of button-down shirts. And we both get stressed about bikinis. But designers really do make clothes for different body types — and if you don’t know what to look for, you may have passed them over. There are reality shows, books, tailors, and salespeople who can tell you what ‘cut’ of clothing is meant for your body. Darts or no darts, and where? V-neck or crew neck? Halter top or bandeau? Let those resources help train you to find the clothes that look great on girls with your shape and your taste.
We found awesome bras.
A real bra fitting by an experienced salesperson can make all the difference. (Old ladies at mom-and-pop specialty stores are generally best at this stuff, in my experience. Those mall people don’t cut it.) You’ve gotta know your true size if you’re going to get the right bra, and the right bra is crucial — to feel confident, and to do right by your boobs with lots of support. As it happens, neither Mars nor I can find bras in our true sizes at the mall — so we found specialty shops that hooked us up with bras we love. And it’s so worth it.
And don’t forget, your boobs can change throughout your life. So it’s a great idea to keep getting your boobs re-measured now and then.
- Mary at PPFA