How can I make anal sex hurt less?

Someone asked us:

Every time I have anal sex with my boyfriend…he takes too long and it hurts my rectum. I don’t know how to go about anal sex. I don’t know how to make it hurt less.

A lot of people feel like they have to endure painful sex — to get “better” at it, to make their partner happy, or just because. But if you’re having any kind of sex and you’re finding that it’s painful and unpleasant, you should stop. And make sure you tell your boyfriend when sex is hurting you. It’s really important to let our partners know what feels good and what feels not so good.

If you want to have anal sex, there are some things you can try to make it feel better. For starters, try using lots of lube. (Your butt doesn’t produce enough lubrication for comfortable anal sex, so using lube can reduce painful friction.) To help your sphincter muscle relax and get used to it, try starting with smaller things, like a finger or anal toy.  Being relaxed will make it hurt less. Also, try slowing it down — you and your boyfriend should take it really slow, and give him an occasional “status update” on how you’re feeling. And of course, stop if it hurts.

-Alex at Planned Parenthood