How I Beat PMS And Lived Happily Ever After

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My PMS is the worst. Once a month, I hate on everyone. I break up with my boyfriend. I entertain homicidal fantasies about my fellow commuters. I bitch out the people I love for no reason and I drive the people who love me away. I cry. I yell. I alienate.

So I wanted a birth control method that would stop all that. Progesterone is a hormone we make in our bodies. When you’re pregnant, you make more of it. So using a birth control method with progesterone sort of makes your body think you’re pregnant, which often results in lighter periods or no periods at all. But since you’re not really pregnant, you don’t put on a bunch of weight and give birth to a baby after nine months. That’s what I’m talking about.

There are several birth control methods with progesterone, like the Mirena IUD and the shot. These are both great methods, but I went with the implant, which is a tiny, plastic rod that’s the size of a matchstick and goes in your arm. That’s right, a doctor inserts it into your body like you’re in a science fiction movie. Except instead of getting tracked by the government, you don’t get pregnant (or PMS!) for three years.

The whole thing took about five minutes. First the doctor gave me a couple of shots to make me numb. Then she stuck a little device into my arm, lifted the skin up, and shot the little sucker in. And that was it, I was out the door. (And FYI, thanks to Obamacare everything was free.)

A few months in, I’ve experienced some light spotting, which is a common side effect and no big deal. And for most people, the spotting goes away eventually. I’m happy to report that my PMS is gone, gone, gone. Oh, and I’m not getting pregnant anytime soon either. Thanks, implant!

Want more info? Get the full lowdown on the implant

-Amy at Planned Parenthood