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Oral Jitters

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Someone asked us:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and we have both felt that me giving him oral was okay but the thought of him doing it to me was awkward and he never was into that. Now he’s been wanting to try it but I’m insanely nervous about whether or not I will enjoy it since I’ve never had a guy give me oral and if everything will smell/taste fine down there. What can I do to calm my nerves and ease my worries?

First of all, before you engage in any kind of sex, whether it’s your first or thousandth time doing it, it’s really important that you feel sure you want to be doing it. There’s no reason to have any kind of sex that you’re not into having — you are not obligated to have sex to satisfy anyone’s curiosity, even someone you really care about. 

That said, lots of women really enjoy receiving oral sex from their partner.  For some it is the easiest way for them to achieve orgasm – easier than by having vaginal sex.  There’s nothing dirty or wrong about oral sex, it really is just about your comfort level and doing what feels pleasurable and right for you.

Plenty of people worry about how they’ll smell or taste to a partner performing oral sex. There are a lot of myths out there about vaginas smelling “fishy,” which can lead to some serious “do I smell bad???” insecurities. But the truth is, vulvas mostly just smell like…vulvas. Pretty much every vulva has a characteristic scent. If it’s free of infection, the smell isn’t unpleasant. In fact, plenty of people really like the way vulvas smell. 

If you’re self-conscious about smelling like sweat or urine, you can take a shower before your boyfriend gives you oral. But we don’t recommend douching or using feminine deodorants - your vagina is self-cleaning, and these can disturb the healthy balance of bacteria in the vagina. So douching and feminine deodorant aren’t just unnecessary, but they can be harmful as well.

Getting used to the smell of your vulva — and to the idea of another person getting close to it — can take some time. Ask yourself if you’re ready. If yes, great! If not, that’s totally fine too. 

- Nina at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: vulvasoral sexfirst timequestions

If someone has a cold sore, can they give their partner herpes?

Someone asked us:

If someone gets cold sores, can they give a partner herpes when performing oral sex? Or is it a different kind of herpes entirely?

The way people talk about oral herpes can be confusing. A lot of people talk about getting cold sores, but don’t call it herpes.  This may be because they only think of herpes as an STD and they know (or suspect) they did not get their cold sores from sexual behavior. Many people have been getting them since they were children.

But the truth is that cold sores are caused by herpes. Most cases of oral herpes are caused by one of two types of herpes, known as herpes simplex virus-1 (HSV-1). It’s not strictly sexually transmitted. Herpes (both HSV-1 and HSV-2, which I’ll get to in a moment) is spread by skin-to-skin contact — which happens often through sexual contact, but can also happen during touching or kissing of a completely non-sexual nature, like from a parent to a child. Because it’s so easily spread, it’s estimated that about half of all Americans have oral herpes.

So the short answer to your question is yes, a person who has oral herpes can give a partner genital herpes by giving them oral sex. The reason for that is that both types of herpes — HSV-1 and HSV-2 (the other kind that usually causes sores on or around the genitals) — can live on either part of the body (and also the eyes). So a person with one kind of herpes can give another person the same kind of herpes on a different part of the body. However, it’s more likely for someone to pass herpes to the same part of their partner’s body (mouth to mouth or genitals to genitals). That’s because HSV-1 prefers to live on the mouth, while HSV-2 prefers to live in the genitals, just like some people prefer to live on a loud street with lots of action, and others prefer a quieter, more private place to live, but both can really do either.

If you have oral herpes and want to prevent spreading it, you should avoid touching any sores you have. If you do, wash your hands with soap and water. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom, before rubbing your eyes, and before touching a contact lens. Don’t wet contact lenses with saliva. If you have a cold sore on your mouth, try not to kiss anyone. You should avoid giving oral sex while you have sores, and use a condom or dental dam on your partner other times. It’s most contagious during an outbreak, but it’s also possible to spread herpes when no symptoms are present. 

Learn more about herpes. ASHA’s Herpes Resource Center is also a great place for information about living with herpes. 

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Tagged: herpescold soresoral sex

How do you cut open a condom for oral sex?

Someone asked us:

In the last post about oral sex, it mentioned a cut-open condom for use. How does one go about cutting it and using it?

Here’s a textual/visual explanation of how this handy little craft project is done. You’re going to need a pair of scissors and a condom. First, tear open the condom wrapper and completely unroll it.


Next, carefully use a pair of scissors to cut straight down, all the way from the base of the condom (the elastic band) to the tip. Make sure not to poke any extra holes in the condom while you cut.


Now you’ve turned the condom into a rectangle of super stretchy plastic, which can be placed over the vulva for safer oral sex.


Voila! Enjoy!
-Alex at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: CondomsDIYdental damsoral sexsafer sexquestions

Can I get pregnant from swallowing?

Someone asked us:

My boyfriend refuses to have oral sex because he read somewhere that swallowing semen can get me pregnant. I’ve tried to tell him he’s wrong but he won’t take my word for it. Is there any solid evidence to back me up here?

As a matter of fact, there is! A lot of people worry that anytime (or anywhere) semen enters your body, you can get pregnant. But the truth is, your mouth is not connected to your reproductive organs. And since your mouth isn’t connected to your ovaries, uterus, or vagina, there’s no way to get pregnant from swallowing semen.

That said, you can still get an STD from unprotected oral sex. So using a condom is still a good idea.

It’s also possible that your boyfriend isn’t ready to have oral sex. There are a lot of stereotypes about guys and sexual desire, but the truth is that plenty of guys feel nervous or reluctant about certain sexual stuff.  If he’s still really nervous about doing it after you explain the biology stuff to him, give him a little space on the issue.

- Alex at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: oral sexam i pregnant?sexquestions

Oral Sex

Someone asked us:

Q. I was wondering if there are any effects or things to know about oral sex. My boyfriend and I are becoming more sexually active and although not to the point of intercourse, I was concerned about making sure that there aren’t lurking dangers that I haven’t been warned about. Utah’s Sex Ed curriculum is not near informative enough, and I’ve yet to see a gynecologist. Thank you!

Awesome that you’re doing your research and thinking about this ahead of time. Go you!

As for “lurking dangers,” unprotected oral sex does put both partners at risk for some sexually transmitted infections (which don’t always have symptoms), whether they’re giving or receiving genital stimulation. Although the risks of infection are generally quite a bit lower with unprotected oral sex than they are with unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse, using a barrier during oral sex can further decrease those risks.

For safer oral sex, use a condom to cover the penis, or a Sheer Glyde dam, cut-open condom, or plastic wrap to cover the vulva or anus. If you’re at all worried about STDs and want to get tested, or if you decide you do want to have sex and need birth control, you can make an appointment at your local Planned Parenthood health center.

-Nathan at PPFA

Tagged: questionsoral sexSTDs

Oral Sex. What’s the risk?

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Someone asked us:

Q. Not sure if you folks are the right ones to ask, but I was wondering about lesbian safe sex. What are the actual chances of getting an STD from oral sex? I’ve heard you can get herpes from cold sores, so obviously avoiding oral sex when one’s got a cold sore is a good plan, but outside of that, what are the actual chances of getting an STD from standard lesbian sex?

You’re right, herpes can be transmitted through oral sex. But keep in mind that it can be even when someone has no symptoms at the time.  For lesbian partners, if one partner has herpes, the best way to avoid transmitting it to anyone else is by using dental dams for oral sex. Using condoms on shared sex toys is also a good idea to minimize the risk.  Other STDs like syphilis and HPV can be spread through oral sex, too. And while it’s less likely through oral sex than through vaginal or anal, HIV can also be spread orally.  Even fingering carries a risk — that’s why there’s no such thing as “safe” sex, only safer sex. For sex toys, using condoms and cleaning them regularly is recommended.

If you’re concerned about spreading STDs, you and your partner might want to get tested together beforehand and continue to get tested regularly, as some STDs take a while to show up. And if you go to your local Planned Parenthood health center, make sure to stock up on condoms and dental dams while you’re there!

-Tobias at PPFA

Tagged: QuestionsSTDsSafer Sexgetting testedoral sexLGBTQ

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