Ask us anything. No judgments.

Should virgins use vibrators?

Someone asked us:

I was thinking about getting a vibrator, but I’ve never had sex. Should I wait?

There’s no reason to wait. Lots of people masturbate for years before they have sex. You can read about the many benefits of masturbation here.

Because you’ve never had sex, you may be worried that using a vibrator will somehow spoil sex with someone else for the first time. But even if your vibrator rules, having sex with someone else will be a different kind of experience. Sex can make you feel more connected to someone you love, or it can be a really fun thing to do with someone you like or feel passionate about.  As long as both people feel respected and take steps to reduce their risk of STDs or unintended pregnancy, seeing and touching someone else’s body, being seen and touched by them, getting to know what you both like doing together, and being surprised by trying new things are all thrills that (despite being a great little invention) your vibrator alone can’t give you.

So even if you sit around having great vibrator-induced orgasms for years before you have sex with someone else, you’ll still find that it’s only one way to enjoy yourself.

- Emily at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: masturbationvibratorsvirginityquestionssex toys

Can I get pregnant from anal sex?

Someone asked us:

I’m still a virgin, virgin but yesterday I had tried protected anal sex for the first time. 2 out of the 3 condoms have broke, and he had came.. After he changed one of the condoms he put it back in and started to finger me. He’s also afraid that cum may have dripped off of my back, down on to my vagina. Is there any possible way I’m pregnant?! I’m kind of freaking out.

Don’t freak out: you can’t get pregnant from having anal sex. The only way you can get pregnant is if semen gets inside your vagina. If there’s a chance that happened (and it sounds like maybe it did) and you don’t want to get pregnant, you can take emergency contraception (also known as the morning-after pill). Emergency contraception can prevent pregnancy up to five days after unprotected sex. The sooner you take it, the more effective it is.

It’s also important to know that unprotected anal sex carries just as much of a risk of STDs as unprotected vaginal sex. So if a condom breaks during anal sex, talk to a health care provider or your nearest Planned Parenthood health center about STD testing. While you’re there you can also talk about getting started on birth control so you won’t have to worry about pregnancy!

- Emily at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: STD testingsafer sexvirginityquestions

Can your virginity grow back?


Someone asked us:

My friend told me that after around 3 month you technically become a virgin again because the hymen closes completely, i don’t fully believe this so do you guys know if this is true?

Nope, your hymen won’t close back up if you don’t have sex for a while. Unlike starfish and gecko tails, hymens don’t regenerate themselves.

Virginity can be a tricky thing to define. The most basic definition of virginity is never having had sex. But people define “sex” in a lot of different ways. Some people think that you’re a virgin if your hymen hasn’t been stretched open, but the truth is that having a hymen and being a virgin aren’t the same thing. Your hymen can be stretched open by a lot of other things besides sex (like using tampons or exercising), and some people are born with very little hymenal tissue to begin with. And people also have different ideas about whether you’re a “virgin” if you’ve had oral or anal sex but not vaginal sex.

So basically, virginity isn’t a concrete concept. It’s more of an idea that varies from person to person. But what is concrete is that your hymen won’t regrow after being stretched open.

- Nina at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: virginityhymenquestions

Should virgins get tested for STDs?

Someone asked us:

I’m thinking of losing my virginity soon. Should I be tested for STD’s even though I’m a virgin?

Good for you for thinking about what you should do to prepare for your first time. Way to take responsibility! People have different ideas about what counts as sex and therefore what counts as virginity. Some sexually transmitted infections are spread by skin-to-skin contact and some are spread by exchanging body fluids like semen and vaginal secretions (i.e. the liquid produced by the vagina during arousal). Someone who has never had vaginal, oral, or anal intercourse but has been naked with someone and had skin-to-skin contact could potentially be at risk for an STD. But if you’ve never had intercourse and never had genital skin-to-skin contact, there is no need to get tested.  

Wondering if you should get tested? The Check can give you some advice.

-Nathan at Planned Parenthood

Tagged: STDsvirginityquestions

Can a gynecologist tell if you’re a virgin?

Someone asked us:

Q. Can a gynecologist tell if you’re a virgin or not?

Virginity means never having had sex, but people may define “sex” differently. But in general, there is no easy way for a nurse or doctor to determine if you’ve had sex or not — which is all the more reason you should tell her or him.

It’s important to be honest with health care providers so they can get an accurate picture of your health and needs. While it might feel embarrassing to talk about your sex life with a relative stranger, being upfront can help health care providers determine if it’s a good idea to test you for sexually transmitted infections, prescribe birth control, recognize pregnancy symptoms, or talk with you about possible problems with your sexual relationship. Tell your nurse or doctor if you’ve had vaginal, oral, or anal sex, because all of these things put you at risk for sexually transmitted infections.

Planned Parenthood health centers strive to provide nonjudgmental services that are confidential and affordable. Click here to make an appointment at the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.

-Nathan at PPFA

Tagged: questionsvirginitysex

Crying after sex

Someone asked us:

Q. Is it normal to cry after losing your virginity, in a safe, consensual situation?

Yup, it’s normal. For many of us, having sex for the first time is a big deal, and losing your virginity is often an emotional experience. Excitement, nervousness, relief, intimacy, happiness, love, and regret are just some of the feelings that can accompany sex. Sex that is safe and consensual is a good place to start, but here are some other things to consider:

  • your personal values and goals
  • your feelings about the kinds of emotional and physical risks you’re willing to take
  • whether this is something you really want to do or if it’s something your partner is pushing you into 
  • what sort of relationship you want to have with the person you have sex with

Whether it’s your first time or your 100th, sex can be a really powerful experience that enhances the connection between two people. Hopefully, any tears that come with losing your virginity are the good kind.

-Nathan at PPFA

Tagged: questionsvirginitysexemotions

OF LOVE & LOSS: My one year BC anniversary: Thank you, Planned Parenthood

Belated Happy Anniversay!

meghanic:

On July 18, 2011, I had my sexual awakening. It has officially been a year since I decided to become part of the “sexually active” club. It has been one year since I decided to take the leap and decided that it was time, my time, to figure out what this sex business was all about. Jeez, it…

Tagged: patient storiesPlanned Parenthoodvirginitybirth controlhealthy sexuality

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