Someone asked us:

I’m currently completing a course on sexual abuse as a requirement for college, and it’s making me think about a sexual experience I had that was kind of murky. my partner got out a condom and I expected him to use it. After putting it on part way, he said that he wasn’t hard enough to put it on, and took it off. I thought he’d put it back on after getting harder, but he didn’t, and I didn’t realize until we were already having sex. Looking back, don’t know how to define the experience.

I’m sorry that happened to you — what your partner did is not okay.  

It sounds like your partner didn’t have your consent to have sex without a condom. Consent = having all the information so you can decide whether or not you want to have sex — including knowing whether a condom is being used. Consent means letting each other know what’s going on and checking in every step of the way.

That being said, no one can define your experiences but you. It’s good to reflect on our experiences to understand ourselves and our relationships better. Whatever you feel about what happened is completely valid.

It might make you feel better to talk with someone like a trusted friend, doctor, teacher, or counselor. You can also speak with someone from RAINN online or over the phone.

Take care.

-Chelsea @ PPFA