Planned Parenthood

Someone asked us:

I tried having penetrative sex for the first time a few weeks ago, but me and my partner had some difficulties despite both being aroused. It felt painful and we couldn’t, basically “get it up”. Should I see a doctor?

From your note, I don’t know if by “penetrative sex” you mean penis-in-vagina sex, penis-in-anus sex, or sex using a dildo or vibrator. But I do know that there’s probably nothing wrong, and there’s no need to see a doctor or nurse just yet.

Getting a penis/sex toy into your vagina or anus if you haven’t had penetrative sex before can be tough and painful. It sounds like you want to give it a try, so here are some suggestions.

1. You may need some lube. Vaginas naturally get wet when you’re turned on (anuses — not so much). But if you’re going to have penetrative sex, it’s actually totally normal to need a little extra lube. You can get water or silicone-based lubes at drugstores, online, or maybe even for free at a local clinic or your nearest Planned Parenthood health center. Lube is cheap, it’s totally safe, and it makes condoms less likely to tear or break.
   
2. You may need to work up to it. Your hymen is a small, thin, stretchy piece of skin that covers some portion of your vaginal opening. Some people have thicker hymens, or hymens that cover more of the opening than others. Sometimes hymens tear a little and bleed the first time (or the first few times) you put something in your vagina. The same kind of thing can happen to your anus, even though you don’t have a hymen there. Starting out by inserting fingers or sex toys that are smaller than a penis can be a way to work up to penetrative sex.
   
3. You may need to slow things down. Being nervous can make you tense up and make having sex difficult. It sounds like all of this is new to you, so you may need more warm-up time to feel comfortable and enjoy it — whether that means cuddle time, other kinds of sex (AKA foreplay), or time spent masturbating and learning more about what you like and don’t like.
   
4. If after several times of trying (if you decide to keep trying) nothing improves at all, then it might be worth checking in with a doctor or nurse. They can help find the cause of the pain if on the off chance there is something amiss.
   

Remember that there’s no need to ever rush into sex, and if you’re being pressured, that’s not cool at all. If you decide you’re not into it right now, that’s okay!

Finally, using condoms and birth control if you want to avoid pregnancy and STDs are a total must for penis-in-vagina times, and condoms are just as important for anal sex.  

-Emily at Planned Parenthood