I can’t orgasm. What gives?

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Someone asked us:

I am a woman and I cant orgasm. Through sex, masterbation, stimulation, or anal. Im just not sensitive downt there. Im worried sould I be? Any tips.

It sounds like you’re frustrated after trying lots of different things. And you’re not alone. A lot of people have trouble in the orgasm department. Orgasms don’t come to some people as easily as they do to others — and that’s totally normal. It can take years for some people to discover what works for them and have their first orgasm. So it could be a question of figuring out what turns you on and how you like to be touched — whether that means with hands, a sex toy, or help from someone else. People orgasm in all different ways from touching different parts of their body. The most common ones are the vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, penis, scrotum, perineum, prostate, and anus.

Some people don’t have orgasms at all — ever — and that doesn’t necessarily mean something is “wrong” with them. Orgasming is a thing bodies can do, but not all bodies can do all the things. If having an orgasm is something you really want to do (understandable, since many people think it’s pretty great), then it’s worth taking a look at what could be keeping you from having one.

Orgasm troubles can stem from medical, psychological, and emotional issues like:

  • Diabetes, perimenopause, menopause, and neurological conditions like multiple sclerosis.
  • Medications like antidepressants, antihistamines, and high blood pressure medication. (Always check with your doctor or nurse before you stop or change your medication.)
  • Anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
  • Stress, guilt, embarrassment, and body image issues.

We’re here to help. The staff at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center have seen it all, don’t judge, and can talk with you about your worries.

It may help try to relax and not focus so much on the orgasm. Sometimes the stress and anxiety that come from pressure to have an orgasm is the thing keeping you from having one. For now, try enjoying the effort.

Good luck and have fun.

-Emily at Planned Parenthood