Anal sex means penis-in-anus sex or toy-in-anus sex. For some people, the anus and prostate are erogenous zones — a part of the body that, when touched, makes you feel aroused.
Here’s how to keep yourself and your partner safer during anal sex:
Consent is key. Porn can give us unrealistic expectations about sex. It can make some people feel like anal sex is something that’s expected or required. It’s definitely not! Make sure the person you want to have anal sex with is 100% on board. And partners should check in with each other periodically to make sure that they’re still comfortable and into it.
Use protection. Condoms offer great protection against STDs. You can also put condoms on sex toys — like dildos, vibrators, or butt plugs — to keep yourself and your partner protected. Just make sure to use a different condom if you change partners or switch to oral or vaginal sex. Cross-contaminating butt germs can make you sick or cause infections. Also, anal sex without a condom is more likely to pass HIV than oral or vaginal sex. Talk to your doctor or nurse about about whether PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) — a daily pill that can help prevent HIV — is right for you.
Lube is your best friend. Lube keeps sex nice and slippery, cutting down on friction and leading to safer and more comfortable sex. Unlike vaginas, the anus can’t lubricate itself. So without lube, anal sex can be super painful and even dangerous: dry anal sex can lead to irritation and tears in the anus and rectum, putting both of you at a higher risk for STDs, including HIV. Friction also makes condoms break more easily. if a condom breaks during anal sex, talk to a nurse or doctor, like the staff at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center, about STD testing.
If the idea of anal sex doesn’t turn you on, that’s 100% okay. As with all things sexual, you don’t have to have anal sex if you don’t want to. The important thing is that if you’re going to have anal sex, make sure you’re taking steps to protect yourself and your partner.
That’s right, Mr. Block— there IS always time for lubricant! Especially when you’re dealing with anal sex, lubricant is an evolutionary part of a healthy sex life. Without using a lubricant, you run the risk of tears in both condoms and your fragile tissue lining.
Read all about the different types and ingredients in lubricants in our Guide to Lubes, or learn the History of Lubricants (this is for you fanfiction authors out there).
What are the potential risks of rimming and how do you prevent them?
Analingus, rimming, tossing salad, and rusty trombone (which I still can’t say without giggling) are all terms for oral-to-anal sex. Most of the STDs you can get from regular old oral sex – herpes, HPV, syphilis, hepatitis, etc. – can also be spread through analingus. Along with STDs, rimming comes with a special set of health risks (like E. coli and intestinal parasites) because of potential contact with, well, poop germs.
Giving your b-hole a good rub-a-dub-dub before analingus can help remove residual fecal matter. Be gentle and only use mild soaps and soft cloths to avoid irritating and scraping your caboose, which can up your STD risk. But even the most thorough of cleanings won’t completely eliminate poop-based health risks, and it does nothing to prevent STDs, so your best bet to is to also use a barrier between the mouth and anus, like a Sheer Glyde dam, plastic wrap, or a condom cut up the side and opened flat. A little dab of water-based or silicone lube on the butt side of the barrier can increase sensation and pleasure for the receiver.
Rubber or nitrile gloves are other great accessories for anal stuff, especially if you also want to use your fingers. You can even use a glove to craft homemade dams by snipping off the four fingers, cutting the glove up the side opposite the thumb, and laying the open glove over your partner’s genitals — the remaining thumb tube is a great place for a tongue or finger, while the rest of the material protects the mouth, anus, and genitals.
Finally, never put anything (fingers, penis, sex toys, etc.) that’s been in an anus directly into the vagina or mouth, because butt germs can make you sick and cause vaginal infections. Cross-contamination can easily be prevented by changing out rubber gloves and condoms between sex acts, and washing your genitals and hands right after contact with an anus (make sure you scrub under those fingernails, too!)
Every time I have anal sex with my boyfriend…he takes too long and it hurts my rectum. I don’t know how to go about anal sex. I don’t know how to make it hurt less.
A lot of people feel like they have to endure painful sex — to get “better” at it, to make their partner happy, or just because. But if you’re having any kind of sex and you’re finding that it’s painful and unpleasant, you should stop. And make sure you tell your boyfriend when sex is hurting you. It’s really important to let our partners know what feels good and what feels not so good.
If you want to have anal sex, there are some things you can try to make it feel better. For starters, try using lots of lube. (Your butt doesn’t produce enough lubrication for comfortable anal sex, so using lube can reduce painful friction.) To help your sphincter muscle relax and get used to it, try starting with smaller things, like a finger or anal toy. Being relaxed will make it hurt less. Also, try slowing it down — you and your boyfriend should take it really slow, and give him an occasional “status update” on how you’re feeling. And of course, stop if it hurts.
