Q. My daughter will be 11 this year, and will probably begin menstruation at any time. When should she have her first gyn exam and what are her options during menstruation? Pads only, or what? I purchased her a really good book on puberty and have spoken with her on the topic (Not as much as I would have liked; she gets embarrassed, but I’ve seen her reading the book in her room, so that’s good, at least.) and I’m unsure what else I should do to prepare her. Any advice?
It’s great that you’re thinking about this on behalf of your daughter! Women should start getting Pap tests, which happen during a pelvic exam, when they’re 21 years old. But once your daughter gets her period you may want to schedule a gynecologist appointment for her. During this visit, she can ask questions and talk with a nurse or doctor about growing up, changes in her body, and any concerns she has. These checkups will help make sure that she’s healthy and developing as she should. Most often, these early visits don’t include a pelvic exam.
Now, about her first period: Your daughter can use tampons or pads — whatever feels most comfortable for her. The Info for Teens section of our website has a lot of information about getting your period, how to use tampons and pads, and puberty. While your daughter is checking all that out, you might want to take a look at the Tools for Parents section for help on talking with your daughter about sex and her body and keeping her healthy.
And remember, the staff at your local Planned Parenthood health center can answer any questions you or your daughter may have about getting a check up and how to deal with periods.
Q. Any suggestions for explaining the facts of life to 9 year olds? My daughters are curious but disgusted at what I’ve told them so far, and I’m afraid I tend to be too technical when I start explaining things (I’m an OB nurse). Any book recommendations or other suggestions for broaching this topic would be appreciated.
Your daughters are so lucky to have an OB nurse as a mom! And the good news is, talking with your kids about sex and their bodies isn’t about One Big Talk that you’ll either pass or fail — it’s a lifelong conversation. So don’t worry if the conversation you’ve already had didn’t go as well as you would have liked.
Don’t take it too much to heart if your daughters say they’re disgusted or embarrassed by what you’re saying. Like you said, they’re curious – so they’re still listening to what you say. Talking about sexuality can be awkward at first, for them and for you, but it gets easier. Thinking about what you want to say and what values you want to give your daughters ahead of time might help. It can also help to look for things in everyday life to put your discussions in a context that your daughters can relate to, like a TV show or a song on the radio or in your case, simply talking about your day at work!
The parents section of our website has all kinds of information about how to talk to your kids about sex and sexuality, and what’s appropriate at different ages. There’s also a list of resources to help you talk with your kids on their level.
Your willingness and availability to talk about this, no matter what words you use, is what will make a difference for your girls.
And remember, this is something that a lot of parents wrestle with. Check out this video of FAQs:
