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Happy Method Monday! In honor of back to school, we decided to go back in time to look at some vintage methods that are still in use (mostly) today. Since they share many characteristics, the cervical cap, the diaphragm, and the sponge will share the spotlight this week.
The best thing about these methods is that they’re totally hormone-free, which is important to some women for health reasons or because of personal preference. The not-so-great thing? These methods aren’t as effective as methods like the implant, the IUD, the shot, the pill, the patch, or the ring. The non-hormonal ParaGard IUD, which is made out of copper and plastic and lasts for up to 12 years (!), might be a better option if you don’t want hormones and are looking for super-effective birth control.
But back to the old-school barriers…
They’ve got a lot in common:
The diaphragm, the sponge, and the cervical cap work more or less the same way. You can get more detail about each method on Bedsider, but in a nutshell all three of these methods work with spermicide to block sperm from entering the uterus. For all three, you have to be comfortable with sticking your finger up there and possibly even doing some adjusting. This can take some getting used to, so these methods might be tricky if you’re drunk or in a hurry.
You should use them with spermicide and a condomto increase their effectiveness. If you’re not using a condom, make sure you and your partner have both been tested since spermicide can increase your risk for STIs including HIV. Veronica, a diaphragm user, backs it up with a condom just to make sure.
Your partner shouldn’t be able to feel them. While he may not be able to feel these methods during sex, you do have to insert them before sex (and take them out after), so your partner will probably eventually notice that the method is there. That being said, if you want something inconspicuous, any of these methods can be inserted hours before sex and stay put for 24-48 hours (depending on the method).
You have to leave them in place for at least 6 hours after sex to help ensure that the spermicide has done its thing.
There are side effects. These methods don’t cause the side effects sometimes associated with hormonal methods (or offer the healthbenefits), but they can sometimes cause vaginal irritation or UTIs (urinary tract infections). The biggest possible side effect? Pregnancy, since these methods are less effective on their own than hormonal methods or the non-hormonal IUD.
You shouldn’t use them when you have your period. If you’re planning on having sex while Aunt Flo is in town, you should use condoms or a different method during that time of the month.
There are a few differences too:
The diaphragm mayreduce the risk of a few nasty STIs (gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and chlamydia), but it’s nothing compared to the protection of a condom. If you’re worried about STIs or want a back-up birth control method, condoms are definitely the way to go.
You should reapply spermicide if you inserted the diaphragm or the cervical cap a long time before sex. Same goes if you are using these methods for multiple rounds. You don’t have to worry about this with the sponge since the spermicide is already in there.
You can get the sponge without a prescription–it’s even available online. The cervical cap and the diaphragm, on the other hand, need to be fitted by a doctor.
The diaphragm is getting an upgrade. There is a new diaphragm, called Silks, making its way to the U.S. market. Silks is designed to be easier to put in and take out and may potentially be used to prevent HIV as well as pregnancy.
Liking the sound of these old-school options? Show your support by “liking” your favorites on our Facebook Method Explorer and/or tell us about your experience in the comments!
Now that schools around the country have closed due to the new coronavirus (or COVID-19) pandemic, parents and caregivers are being asked to take a MUCH more active role in their children’s education.
We’re here to show you how to be your kid’s go-to resource for answers and advice on bodies, sex, sexuality, gender, relationships, consent, and more — from pre-K through high school. Here’s our top 5 tips from the Planned Parenthood experts.
Incorporate Learning Into Daily Activities
Not all sex education needs to be formal. There’s a lot to be learned from TV, books, and other media around the house.
Use storylines from TV and movies to spark honest conversations with your kids.
While you’re watching a TV show or movie together, play Healthy Relationships Bingo. Compare which boxes you check off and talk about what’s similar and different.
Follow our TV watching guide and pause the program at key scenes to ask what your kid thinks. This could include when you see romance, sexual activity, pregnancy, peer pressure, or sexting.
After you watch something, discuss the relationships in it. Is the sexual activity consensual? Are the relationships healthy? Are characters communicating clearly and assertively with each other? Who is and is not getting represented (i.e. are there LGBTQ characters/relationships, a diversity of race/ethnicities), and how are they being represented? Ask their opinions and share your own as well.
Read together, and use stories to spark conversations.
Reading together can look a lot of different ways: You can read a children’s book to your kid, read a short story over their shoulder, or read the same book on your own, checking in after each chapter.
After reading, discuss the characters and storylines, asking their opinions and sharing yours. You can use the same questions suggested above in the TV and movies section. When it comes to consent and healthy relationships, you can share messages like these to help your kids better understand these topics.
Get Formal: Plan a Time and Set a Place
If you’re homeschooling on a more formal schedule, it’s helpful to have time set aside for sex education at the same times and in the same part of your home.
Keep in mind that even if your local school has implemented an online learning program, it might not include the vital sex education your child needs. You can ask your kid what subjects are being covered to help guide you in what you may want to supplement.
First Step: Do Your Homework
Watch our videos for parents (también en español) and read through plannedparenthood.org/parents to help prepare you. These videos help you tackle important topics in age-appropriate ways, from preschool to high school. Topics include gender identity, healthy relationships, porn, and more. Choose a topic that you’d like to start with and set a time to dig into it.
Activities: Using Educational Videos
You know your kids. If they’re visual learners, then watch these educational videos together:
For high school-aged teens:
Consent 101 Videos: This four-video series is all about consent — what it is, how to know if someone wants to have sex with you, and what to do if they don’t. We also have a lesson plan you can pick up and use along with the videos.
STD Communication Videos: This three-video series models how to have conversations about safer sex, STD testing, and being honest about your status. We also have a lesson plan you can pick up and use along with the videos.
AMAZE Videos: AMAZE has a whole bunch of sex education videos for tweens and younger teens that you can watch together and discuss. They also have resources for parents and educators on how to use the videos with kids.
Activity: Digital Education Tools
If you’re looking for some interactive activities for your middle- or high school-aged teen to help them think through preventing unintended pregnancy and STDs, we’ve got plenty for you! Our games for teens are interactive and based on science, helping them think through decision making around things like peer pressure, deciding when they’re ready to have sex, and using birth control and condoms to prevent both unintended pregnancy and STDs. We also have some lesson plans you can use towards the bottom of this page that go along with some of the games!
Activity: Start a Conversation Whether it’s a follow-up to one of those educational videos or bringing up another topic that’s important to you, it’s essential to get the conversation going. Don’t worry — you don’t need to be an expert. You just need to be willing to talk AND listen.
Once you’ve talked it out, use what you discussed to inform your next topic. Research tells us that kids and teens who have regular conversations with their parents and caregivers about sex and relationships are less likely to take risks with their sexual health, and more likely to be healthy and safe. So keep the conversation going!
Give an Assignment: Something to Read or Watch On Their Own
Some children thrive in group learning environments, and others flex their learning muscles better on their own. If you know your kid works better independently, support that. And if they learn best by taking in new information slowly, give them time to process.
Books and activities: Check out the sex education word find and books for children on this resource page. Pick one of the resources, let your child engage with it on their own, and encourage them to ask you questions.
PlannedParenthood.org/Teens: We have a whole section on our website just for teens! You can pick sections for them to read through, and then talk about them together later.
Seize the Opportunity: When Issues Come Up, Use Them as Teachable Moments
With more time at home, you may find that your kid is asking you more questions about all kinds of things, including bodies, sex, and relationships. And while you’re spending more time with your kids, you may notice more things about their physical and emotional development — like their romantic interests, social media habits, or changing body.
These little experiences throughout the day are great teachable moments. You can use these moments as opportunities to ask questions and share your values. AMAZE’s Askable Parent Challenge can help you navigate your kid’s questions and your own observations while we all adjust to social distancing.
If your child responds to more downtime by exploring their own body and discovering masturbation, this article has tips for parents on what to do (mainly: relax, talk about it, and set some sensible privacy boundaries and hygiene practices!).
Outsource: Show Kids How to Find Accurate Answers from Other Sources
The suggestions above will help you become your kid’s go-to resource for questions about bodies, sex, and relationships. But kids may have questions that they don’t feel comfortable talking about with you, and that’s OK, too. So it’s helpful to point out trustworthy resources they can go to.
PlannedParenthood.org
Our website has a ton of information on all things sex and relationships, including a section just for teens. They can find all kinds of commonly asked questions on our Ask The Experts blog, as well as ask questions of their own!
Roo
Roo is Planned Parenthood’s free, private, sex ed chatbot that can answer all of your kid’s questions about sex, relationships, puberty, and more. No question is too awkward for Roo!
Chat/Text
For those times your kid wants to talk with a real person, our Chat/Text program connects them in real-time with trained health educators. Your child can text or chat with these health educators about pregnancy, STDs, birth control, and more. Like Roo, it’s free and confidential.
Spot On
Spot On is our period and birth control tracker app, available to download for free on iOS and Android. It’s a great way for young people with periods to get to know their cycle, learn about reproductive health, and, if they’re on birth control, help them stay on top of it with personalized support.
For More Information
Remember: You can make a big difference in helping your kid navigate sex and relationships throughout their life! The conversations you have with your child about bodies, sex, and relationships will help them stay safe and healthy as they grow up.
Here are more resources for you to use while you’re sheltering in place, or any time:
If school closures amid the COVID-19 pandemic left you homeschooling your kids, or just having more time together at home, you may be looking for opportunities to talk with them about sex, sexuality, and relationships. But where to start? We’ve got you covered.
While you’re watching TV, you can use storylines about sex and relationships to spark conversations and find out how your kids might make decisions if they were in the same situation. It’s a good opportunity to share your values, expectations, and hopes for them, as well as understand their values, perspectives, and needs.
In March, the Future of Sex Education (FoSE) Initiative — a partnership of Advocates for Youth, Answer, and the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) — released updated National Sex Education Standards to support K-12 educators in providing sex education. The standards are very helpful for schools and sex educators, but a lot to go through for busy parents. So, we’ve highlighted the glossary, which includes real-world definitions for modern terms related to sex and relationships.
Watching a show with your kids? Try playing this bingo card to spot when the people on screen treat each other in healthy ways (BINGO!). You can each play on your own card, and then compare your cards to see how your ideas of healthy relationships are the same and different as a way to spark conversation.
Young people can learn while they search for words and phrases like birth control, clitoris, consent, and safe sex. You can ask them if they have questions about any word they find. Then, you can answer — or if you don’t know the answer, you can look things up together on plannedparenthood.org.
Our website has a ton of information on how to talk about different sex and relationship topics to kids at different ages, including videos and other resources in both English and Spanish.
SIECUS is a national sex education advocacy organization. They’ve got a great resource list to help parents and educators who are social distancing and serving as sex educators at home or virtually.
AMAZE offers a great online library of sex education videos for middle-school-aged kids and their parents. It just launched an Askable Parent Challenge, offering resources to help you navigate kids’ questions about sex and relationships while at home and social distancing.
Toronto-based sexual health educator Nadine Thornhill shares how to deal with your kid masturbating while everyone is home together, which can both be tricky, and an opportunity to talk about masturbation with them.
This book is for both parents and teens, and it offers trustworthy, gender-neutral advice on how to be safe, informed, and honest about sex and sexuality.
This book offers a friendly and practical guide for conversations about sex and sexuality from the experts at Planned Parenthood of Southwestern Oregon.
It’s an uncertain time for everyone. But when it comes to learning about sexual health, we’re here with you, no matter what — even if you can’t go outside. If you want to learn more about sexual health, are spending extra time with your kids (who have lots of questions!), or just want something to do during your couch time, we’ve got tons of fun and educational videos, apps, and other digital resources for people of all ages.
For young people (or anyone wanting to brush up on their sexual health info):
Roo — Our totally free, private sexual health chatbot that answers all your questions about sex, relationships, puberty, and more. No question is too awkward or embarrassing for Roo, so ask away! You can also check out our Roo High School video series.
Chat/Text — For those times you need to talk with a real person, chat or text in real-time with trained health educators about pregnancy, STDs, birth control, and more. It’s free and confidential.
Consent 101 videos— This four-video series is all about consent — what it is, how to know if someone wants to have sex with you, and what to do if they don’t.
Talking about safer sex, testing, and STDs — These three live-action videos show you how to have those sometimes awkward (but always necessary) conversations with your sexual partners without blaming, shaming, or ruining the mood.
Spot On— Our gender-neutral app helps you track your period, fertility, and birth control method. It’s free and available for download in your phone’s app store. You’ll also get period facts and tips from the experts at Planned Parenthood — and keep an eye out for Cycleosaurus, the friendly dinosaur! Download the Spot On app and start your own 30 Night Challenge at home.
PlannedParenthood.org/teens— We’ve got tons of great info on our site about puberty, relationships, staying safe online, and more.
Ours to Tell— A short film that shares the stories of four people from diverse backgrounds and the empowerment that comes from being able to access abortion and live full, healthy lives.
How to respond to a story of sexual assault— A video with tips for responding in a supportive and compassionate way if someone shares their experience of sexual assault, without adding to the shame and guilt that many survivors feel.
Sexual health videos — Quick, animated videos that give you the basics on birth control, how pregnancy happens (you might be surprised at the timeline!), STDs, PrEP and PEP, and abortion. (También en español.)
Videos for parents — From talking to your kids about where babies come from to gender, porn, and more, we’ve got the tips to help you tackle the tough topics and keep your kids healthy, from preschool to middle school. (También en español.)
The Talk Show — You might be watching a little more TV than usual right now. This TV watching guide helps you use storylines from TV and movies to have easy, honest conversations with your kids about sex, relationships, social media, body image, and more. (También en español.)
PlannedParenthood.org/Parents— From preschool through high school, our parents’ guide gives you great advice on how to have honest, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about bodies, relationships, sexuality, safety, and more. (También en español.)
Use Roo together — Our sexual health chatbot can help guide conversations with your kids about those topics that can sometimes feel awkward to talk about. You can let your kid lead the way, or take turns asking Roo questions and discussing the answers.
PlannedParenthood.org/Teens — You and your kid can click around the site together and talk about topics you come across. Or send it to your teen and leave them to browse on their own, letting them know they can come to you with any questions. (También en español.)
Consenting and asking for consent are all about setting your personal boundaries and respecting those of your partner — and checking in if you’re not sure. Consent is a clear, enthusiastic, and you can always stop doing something or change your mind — even if you’ve done it before.
Did you know that lube can make sex safer AND increase comfort and pleasure at the same time!? Make sure your lube is safe to use with condoms. That means only using water-based or silicone-based lube with latex condoms — lube with oil in it can break down latex and cause condoms to tear. It’s also a bad idea to use lotions, baby oil, or Vaseline as sexual lubricants because they can irritate your genitals and cause condoms to break.
Questions about how to come out? We’ve got you. Our sex ed chatbot, Roo, is here to answer your questions — without judgement.
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